


Fear and Desire

by water_from_above



Category: All Souls Trilogy - Deborah Harkness
Genre: F/F, F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 15:46:21
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29456208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/water_from_above/pseuds/water_from_above
Summary: Post Time's Convert. Rebecca and Philip are almost all grown up, but they have a lot more growing up to do when a visit to the Congregation looms before them. While the covenant has been repealed and life has seemingly calmed down, the troubles are far from over. Diana has a bad feeling that the goddess has come to claim what she is owed and Rebecca and Philip must adjust to a new burden put on their shoulders.
Relationships: Diana Bishop/Matthew Clairmont, Philip Bishop-Clairmont/OC, Rebecca Bishop-Clairmont/OC
Kudos: 20





	Fear and Desire

“It’s not my fault grandmére likes me better!” I shouted while stomping up the stairs and slamming the door of my room behind me. It hurt my ears and the deafening boom echoed through the house. I sighed even before I heard Papa’s voice from downstairs.

“Becca, there’s no need for dramatics.” He had already had a bad day and I could hear his frustration in these words. 

“Everything alright, Matthew?” My mother had heard me yell and slam my door, but she hadn’t heard the rest of mine and Philip’s conversation. 

“Of course, mon coeur. Nothing to worry about, just a squabble amongst siblings.”

“Sorry, Papa.” I hated disappointing my father and had let my anger get the best of me. Dramatics fully in mind, I flung myself onto my bed and drew the heavy curtains around it until I was in enveloped in – mostly – darkness. It helped to hide myself away in here when everything became too much. 

I shoved my faced into the soft pillows and pleaded with my third eye to open and grace me with some – any – magic. My mother had been trying for years to get me to embrace this side of my heritage. She was almost as bad as Auntie Sarah. (I had called her great-aunt Sarah once and I thought she would never speak to me again.) I really did try, although nobody seemed to believe me. I coveted Philip’s abilities and how pleased he made maman when he successfully weaved a spell. 

Apparently, I had shown a great aptitude for weaving when I was a baby but seemed to have grown out of it by now. I groaned in frustration as I felt my third eye push back at me, refusing to alleviate the tension that I felt when I tried any kind of magic. After having my pity party for a few more minutes, I got up and walked over to my brother’s room. 

“Yeah,” he said after I knocked softly. He could of course hear me when I was in the hall, but Papa had still taught us to knock anyways out of politeness. 

“I’m sorry, Philip. I didn’t mean to yell.”

Philip’s door opened and Apollo stared at me, huffing before putting his head back on his paws. His eyes never left me though as I crossed the room and sat on the edge of Philip’s bed.  
“It’s okay. I’m sorry too.” He pushed his dark hair out of his eyes and I smiled. It always reminded me of Papa and despite my protests, Philip always swore he looked nothing like our father. “I get so jealous when grandmére invites you out hunting and not me.” He tossed me one of his pillows and I clutched it in my lap. It was always a sign of peace between us. 

I relaxed immediately and so did Apollo, feeling the tension leave the air. “It’s not like it’s fun, Philip! She always uses hunting trips as an excuse to lecture me about whatever is upsetting her that week.”

Papa chuckled softly downstairs. I imagine he knew exactly what I was talking about. I would have to ask him about it later.

“And then she critiques everything I do. I would gladly trade places with you if I could!” 

Philip sighed and Apollo flew over to him, butting him with his head until Philip took a few breaths and said, “Yeah that doesn’t sound like fun at all.” He laughed at the thought of grandmére disapproving of me. 

Then he looked around conspiratorially and signed, “What to go?” 

I nodded and we took off downstairs. 

“And just where do you think you two are going?” Maman stood in front of the front door, arms crossed. I glanced at Papa and he shrugged, returning to his computer. 

“Out.”

“Rebecca Bishop-Clairmont! Apologize for that tone.” I could smell my mother’s blood rushing to the surface. Briefly – for only seconds – the Book of Life’s words snuck their way to the surface too, flitting across her skin before disappearing again. I couldn’t handle another fight with her after the explosive one we had had last week. 

“Sorry maman.” I glanced away as a sign of deference and Philip looked between the two of us to see if he would need to get between us. Even Papa had stopped typing and was poised, ready to stop me if I needed to be. Once again, Philip reminded me so much of Papa, always trying to save the day, the peacekeeper between me and maman. 

“It’s okay, Becca. Be back before sunrise.” I bit back my I knoooow and nodded, grabbing Philip’s arm and leaving the heavy air that threatened to choke me. Once outside, I took a few deep breaths and felt the blood that was rushing in my ears grow quieter. Philip was waiting patiently on the porch, checking his phone politely until I had fully calmed down. 

I looked up at him and gave a quick nod. We took off towards the woods that surrounded our home and waited until we got to the tree line to speak again.

“That hasn’t happened in a while,” Philip pointed out. His tone wasn’t accusatory, which I appreciated. He was just making an observation.

I wasn’t sure what to say, so I stayed silent. I already got enough guilt from Papa and myself about my blood rage, and didn’t need any more from Philip. He never judged me for it though, even if I knew he didn’t understand it. 

“Have you heard from Hallie lately?” 

Mostly me and Philip came to this area of the woods to rant to each other about our parents or really any topic that we didn’t want to discuss in front of our father (and by extension our mother, since he told her everything).

We had found this place one day when Papa had overheard me and Philip talking about how annoyed we were with maman for some reason or another. He gave us the lecture of a lifetime about respecting our superiors, the trouble maman had gone through to have us, how we were special and scrutinized, and all the same things we had heard repeated over and over again our whole lives. Philip came up with the idea to find somewhere far enough away from the house where we could talk freely without Papa or any other vampire overhearing us. Philip had went off towards the forest, talking about the latest book he was reading or something, and I was stationed in the house, ready to text Philip when I could no longer hear him speaking. We were both surprised at how far Philip had to go in the forest before I couldn’t hear him anymore. 

I had joined him, and we wandered around, exploring, until we came across a large tree, its trunk split in two. It had enough room for both of us to sit and was hidden enough that we felt we were in our own private world. The privacy made it easier to talk about whatever we wanted, even if we knew no vampire would be able to hear our conversation. 

Me and Philip went there now and sat on the blanket we had brought on our second or third trip. 

Philip repeated his question.

“No, but I’m sure it’s just because it’s summer, right? She said that she would be busy with her internship. I heard law internships are brutal.” We could both hear the doubt in my voice.

“I don’t know why you let her have so much power over you. If Miya ignored me all summer, I’d drop them.”

Mya was Philip’s partner, and they’d gotten together the year before when they met at a pagan festival maman dragged us to. It ended up being more fun than I thought, but Philip probably had a better time than me since he found Mya there. They had been quite inseparable since then. While Philip was out, I’d overheard a couple conversation between our parents about whether or not he had mated, and all the implications that it came with if he had. They had stopped this particular conversation before they got to the juicy part though, so I wasn’t sure whether they had ultimately decided if he had mated or not. 

“When things are good, they’re really good,” is all I said in response. I didn’t feel like another lecture right now. Philip caught the warning tone in my voice and switched topics, thankfully. 

“Are you scared for school this year?”

“Not really, I just can’t wait to graduate and move on with my life, away from maman and Papa.” I closed my eyes and leaned back against the hard bark, finally able to relax. “Are you?”

“A little. I still don’t know what I want to do after. And there’s all this pressure from maman and Auntie Sarah about not relying on magic, and having real skills, and all that.”

“Why would they even think you would do that?”

“I don’t know! It’s like they don’t even know me.” Philip was the responsible one. There was no way he would use his magic to get ahead in life. Especially not after the ideal that maman had instilled in us our whole lives about having accomplishments based on our own merit. Maman seemed to have forgotten this though and she and Sara put even more pressure on him.

“What have you told them? About what you want to do?”

“That I think I might want to go to art school. But I don’t even know if I want to do that.” He let out a frustrated groan and pushed his fingers through his hair. 

“You’ll figure it out.”

“Thanks, Becca.”

We spent the rest of the night chatting about classes, the future, normal stuff. These moments that we spent in the forest always allowed me to forget about the constant disappointment from Papa and maman, the pressure from the Congregation , our legacy – things that no seventeen-year-old should have to think about. When we got back to the house, the sun was just starting to peek above the horizon and we found Papa sitting in the living room, reading.

“How was your night?” he asked, his voice a little too casual for my liking.

“It was good Papa,” Philip said. He must have also heard the weird tone in our father’s voice because he was trying to make his way to the stairs, also too casually. Before he could get to the first step, Papa put his book down and looked at his with his ‘it’s time for a serious discussion’ face. 

“I need to talk to you both.”

“It’s late, Papa. We’re tired.” I tried to get us out of it, pulling the sleep card. We probably would have both stayed up for a few more hours once we got back to our rooms, but Papa didn’t have to know that.

“No you’re not.” I rolled my eyes and walked over to my favorite arm chair, plopping down into it. Philip scooched my legs over on the arm and sat down. I played with my hair, making it into a mustache while we waited for the ‘serious discussion’ to start. I wondered where maman was. 

“The Congregation wants to see you both,” he said. 

Our outrage began immediately. Me and Philip both spoke at the same time, completely refusing a visit to the Congregation. 

“Do you think I like this any more than you do?” For a second, his eyes grew dark and confirmed that I had been right about his long day. He continued, “I spoke with your mother and she agrees too, this is simply the best course of action.”

“To blindly follow the Congregation’s orders and risk exposing our secrets?” Philip’s voice was acid and he stood up ready to force Papa to rethink his decision. 

Papa stood up as well. “While you two have been off galivanting who knows where Diana and I have been trying to distract the Congregation with other matters.” I always knew Papa was trying his very best to control himself when he called maman by her first name out of habit. He continued, slowly moving closer to Philip as a show of dominance. “Honestly, I’m not sure if you and your sister can even handle a trip to Venice without exposing yourselves. You both lack any kind of restraint and you never think things through.”

“There has to be something else we can do! Marcus must be able to pull some strings… or someone.” Philip sat back down on the arm of the chair trying not to look defeated. He sat straight and tall, but the words came out of his mouth at barely a whisper. 

“Marcus,” Papa spit out the name, hating when Philip brought up our brother as the solution to any problem, “and the Knights of Lazarus are not at your beck and call. This is exactly what I mean! What do you think would happen if the Knights got involved with a simple visit request from the Congregation?” He stayed silent for a moment before saying, “It’s not rhetorical, Philip. What do you think would happen?”

Philip sank lower and lower as our father spoke. He mumbled out, “I dunno,” not looking Papa in the eyes. 

“Dieu, exactly Philip! If they saw that we were trying to delay this visit at all, it would only make them more suspicious. It’s a miracle your mother and I have been able to hold them off this long.”  
Philip was silent. Papa turned to me. “You’re being very quiet, Becca.”

I shrugged. “I’ve always wanted to see Venice.” Really, I was silent because I could understand Papa’s reasoning behind why we had to go, but I would never want him to know that.  
Philip tried to hold back his smile, and match Papa’s serious discussion face, but he erupted into laughter. I joined in shortly after until both of us were a big ball of giggles in the armchair. Even Papa gave us a small smile. After we finally calmed down, he sat back down on the couch, the weight of the present situation on his shoulders again. 

“There’s some preparations we’ll need to make before your visit.”

“When is it?” I asked, suddenly feeling a bit anxious despite my flippant attitude just minutes before. 

“Three weeks from today.” After seeing our crestfallen faces, he added, “I know it’s soon – sooner than any of us want, but it is what it is.” If that was his way of trying to reassure us, it didn’t work very well – for me at least. My mind had started to buzz with all the potentials and possibilities and how hard the upcoming weeks would be for the entire family. 

“What do we need to do, Papa?” Philip was back to his normal self, no longer cowering at this responsibility, but sitting up tall and jutting his chin out, ready to take on any challenge.


End file.
